Contest Entries

Below are three enteries for the Love Contest on An Aspiring Writer’s World blog.  The contest asked for a love scene (didn’t have to be physical love) 750 words or less which was to be posted on your blog.  If interested, let me know which one to enter by the end of the day when I need to upload it to her site.  Ran across this contest late, so didn’t have as much time as I might have liked to look things over.

After reading other authors’ enteries I saw that they posted just one, so if you want to comment on just the first one that would be great.  If you have the time to read the other two and comment, I would love the feedback on those, too.

#1 from “The Heart Teaches Best”

As Cooper drew nearer, he could hear the gentle murmur of Laney talking to a lone goose.  The goose strutted up to her, honking conversationally in return. 

            “Well, Mr. Goose…I really messed things up this time.  And everything seemed to be going so well, too.  You know what I mean? …I should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy.”  She sighed and the goose came closer, honking consolingly.  Cooper breasted the hill and the goose took notice, beginning to honk in a hostile manner.  Laney turned, surprised, and saw him, but spun back around, not ready to look him in the eye yet. 

            The closer Cooper got, the more aggressive the goose became, actually striding around the side of the bench that Cooper was approaching from and sticking out his chest as if to bar Cooper’s way.

            “Hey there, fella!”  Cooper said soothingly.  “I guess you are a fella,” he added, uncertainly.  “I’m not gonna hurt her.  I only want to talk to her.”  Laney twisted her head and their eyes locked.  He was hit with the wave of emotion that was born from his love for her, a feeling that had become as familiar as his own heartbeat.  The moment was broken up by the goose charging Cooper and his having to step back, throwing his arms out in front of him, and nearly toppling down the hill.  Laney giggled, and Cooper smiled, but then shifted his eyes back defensively to the goose.  “A little help here, Lane?” he asked nervously. 

            “Hey, Charlie!”

            “You named him?” he asked sarcastically.

            “Do you want help or not?”

            Cooper glanced back at the goose, which had changed to hissing at him and flapping its enormous wings loudly.  The embattled policeman kept his mouth shut.

            “Charlie, it’s okay.  He’s all right.  He won’t hurt us.”  The goose turned to look at her speculatively.  “Come on, Pretty Boy!  It’s okay!”

            The goose folded its wings back in place with dignity and turned from Cooper to walk back around to Laney.

            Cooper made a move to advance from the other side of the bench, but the goose paused to again give him the evil eye.  “Keep talking to him, Lane.  It’s working.”

            Laney cooed to the goose until Cooper was at last able to sit down on the bench next to her, although her web-footed companion did not let him out of sight for a second. 

            “Hey you stupid Feather Mattress,” Cooper quipped in a relaxed tone, stretching his arm carefully over Laney’s shoulders, “back off!  She’s my girl.  Aren’t you, Laney?” Cooper turned, his eyes searching hers.  She melted into his side.

            “Oh, Cooper,” she sighed.  “What are we going to do?  Your dad hates me now….”

            “He doesn’t hate you….”

            “And I can’t stand the idea of the two of you fighting about me….”

            “People fight, Lane.  Believe me, it’s what we Sullivans do best.  Did I ever tell you that my uncle was a boxer in the Navy?”

            She smiled a little.   “I believe you’re trying to change the subject.”

            “Yeah,” he said, kissing her temple, “how am I doing?”

            Laney reached up to turn his head towards her and pressed her warm lips to his as the wild breeze beat against them.  Within seconds she had his heart pounding in his chest and a sweet thrill riding through him in waves.  As her tongue sought, and teased, and probed he felt all sense leave his head in a rush as he drowned in that certain pleasure that only they could create together.  When they finally parted, he rested his forehead on hers, eyes closed.  “Oh, God, Laney!  The things you do to me….”

            Suddenly, Cooper felt the jab of a bill in his stomach.  He opened his eyes to find himself face-to-face with an angry goose.  “GEEZ!” he cried, scrambling up on the bench and pushing the feathered beast away with his foot.  Charlie responded by spreading his wings again, which the couple was alarmed to see were every bit as long as the bench, and honking boisterously.  Cooper reached down and helped Laney to her feet, and then the goose rushed them with a whoosh of air that seemed to Cooper to rival a helicopter’s.  With a shout of distress, coupled with hysterical laughter, Cooper and Laney simultaneously climbed up on top of the back of the bench and hopped down, running pell-mell down the hill. 

#2 also from “The Heart Teaches Best”

            Back in the bedroom Cooper was chastising himself.  I should have never pushed her so hard.  Slow and steady, remember, Cooper! Ugh!  What was I thinking?  It’s her first time and I start ripping her clothes off!  He got up and followed after her.  He reached the elevator just as the doors closed and got the briefest glimpse of her anguished face as she hugged herself, trying to draw together her now-buttonless blouse. 

            “Dammit!”  He pounded on the door, and punched at the button impatiently, watching the dial above, in Roman numerals, showing that she had descended to the bottom level.  He glanced around for a staircase, but seeing none, waited for the elevator, which was returning relatively quickly, leaning his forearm against the wall.  He squeezed in as the doors parted.  He had pulled his shirt back on, but not bothered to button it back up.  He rode the elevator down, and when the doors opened, the wind rushed in and seemed to suck the breath right out of his lungs.  He saw her ahead in the sand, stumbling haphazardly towards the beach. 

“Laney!  Laney!  Wait!”  She turned and he rushed forward until he was five or so feet away from her and was stopped dead in his tracks by the look of utter misery that distorted her face. 

            “I’m sorry!” he blurted out, having to yell over the wind.

            “Sorry?  Sorry?” she screamed, her hair whipping around her face in a frenzy.  “Wasn’t I the one who just led you to the bedroom, then ran out on you?  Or was it all some bizarre nightmare?”

            He was caught up short by the pain that laced her voice, coupled with anger.  “Please, Laney, can’t we go inside and talk?”

            “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore!” she cried out, more to herself than to him.  She pulled her hair back roughly from her forehead, holding it on the top of her head.  Seeing the anguish on her face, and knowing that he had been the one to cause, was killing him.

            “Laney,” he pleaded, “won’t you come back?”  He held out his hand to her and she stared at it without moving.  He took a step forward but she backed away and turned from him.  Before he could make another move, she whipped around.

            “I’m afraid, Cooper!” she screamed.

            “I know.  I’m sorry.  This was your first time…” he shook his head, “I should have taken it slow.”

            “No!” Her frustration was ripe.  “Cooper, no!”  She stepped forward and, to his surprise, pushed against his chest.  “It’s not that for God’s sake!  I’m not afraid of that!” She punctuated each sentence by pounding his chest with both fists.  He put his hands on her arms, happy at least to have reestablished some physical contact with her.

            “Y-you’re not scared of me?   ‘Cause Laney I’d never hurt you!  I got a little out of hand….” He thought about tearing her shirt off.

            “No!  It’s not that!   I wanted you up there!  I wanted you,” she sobbed, “and that’s what frightens me!” she finished weakly, the wind almost taking her words away.  She turned away from him again, unable to bear the look of hurt confusion in his eyes.  “I’m sorry!”

             Feeling compelled to, Cooper stepped up and locked his arms around her.  “Laney, it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is!” she yelled, but she turned in his arms.  “Yes, it is!”  One fist came down to hit him weakly in the chest and then sobs began to wrack her body.

            “Come on, babe,” Cooper said desperately.  “Won’t you come inside with me?”

            She pulled her head away from his chest, peering up at him as the wind continued to buffet them both.  “I can’t keep doing this to you!  I can’t keep doing it to myself!  Can’t you see?”  Tears streamed from her eyes and the lights from the cliff face turned their blue to silver.

            “Come with me,” he urged again softly, soothingly. 

            She allowed him to lead her back to the elevator.  Once inside the doors, he breathed a sigh of relief.  At least she had come this far. 

#3 from “Trapped Under Ice”

The boat was underway and they watched in silence as it passed through the glimmering reflection of The Arch in the water.  Beth rested on the rail, Chad stood behind, with his hands on the rail on either side of her.  The wind blew their hair softly, and Beth shivered, regretting her decision to leave her coat in the car. 

            “Are you cold?” he asked, taking his hands from the rail to rub her arms. 

            Chad’s touch felt so good, she found herself leaning back against him and closing her eyes.  How long had it been since she had felt a man’s touch?  Beth turned to peek up at the singer.  She had to know if he was feeling the same way that she did. 

            Chad took his hands from her arms and placed his fingers behind her neck.  Beth froze, unsure of what he was doing.  He gently rubbed his thumbs across her mouth, his eyes taking in the delicate curve of her lips as he touched them.  Then his eyes lifted to hers, and she saw in them, anguish, and need, and pain, and…something more.  Chad bent closer inch-by-inch, tantalizing her as she craned her neck, rising up on her toes to reach him, his lips finally claiming hers with a rush. 

            His lips felt, oooh, so good, and Beth realized for the first time how wonderfully full they were.  With a moan that filled them both, Chad kissed her more deeply, his tongue exploring her mouth, his hands sliding down to pull her closer.  When he finally pulled away, she almost cried out in protest.

            “Beth, I….”  He could find no words to speak to her.  He pulled her close again and she laid her head on his chest, overwhelmed by her own emotions.  Chad leaned down to rest his cheek on the top of her head, and clasped it to his chest with one large hand.  The singer felt tears spring unexpectedly to his eyes.  He wanted this woman now in a way that he had wanted no other woman.  But for the first time Chad was at a loss as to how to achieve what he so desperately needed.    

            As he tried to sort through the jumble of emotions that were interwoven in his head he slowly became aware of the fact that the shoulders of the woman he was holding had begun to shake, and that her tears were dampening his t-shirt.

            “Beth!  Beth!  What did I do?” he queried, trying to lift her face.  That voice in his head bounced out of the shadows, “you’ll wind up hurting her in the end,” then danced off to some other deep recess of his mind.

            “You didn’t do anything.” Her muffled voice came from his chest, where she was trying to bury her face in her hands.  “Dammit!” she blurted out, pounding him suddenly in the chest, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

            “Wrong with you?  There’s nothing wrong with you.”

            “Oh, so you often have women who break down sobbing when you kiss them?” she cried bitterly.

            “No,” he had to laugh.  “This is a first.”

            She raised her head from his chest, the tears still shining on her cheeks and began to laugh, too.

            “Oh, there you two are.”  Roger crossed the threshold onto the deck.  Beth turned away from him, and although Chad’s arms were around her, the bassist could tell that he’d interrupted some sort of conversation.  “I just thought you’d want to know, the band’s playing one of our songs.”

            Chad and Beth started laughing, the idea of an orchestra playing Trapped Under Ice was absurd, and pretty soon the three of them were in hysterics, Chad having to support Beth to keep her from collapsing on the deck. 

            Roger was glad to see Beth laugh.  If she had been crying, like he thought she was when he‘d come out on deck, she needed the pick-me-up.  Beth was a nice girl, and Roger really wished she weren’t getting involved with Chad.  Chad was his best friend, but Chad was also an emotional basket-case, and that wasn’t good for anyone.


About M.J. Schiller

I am a mother of four/writer/lunch lady. I set my blog up when my son looked at my Facebook wall and said, "Mom, you don't status, you blog!" Let's put it this way, I'm one of the only people that constantly comments on my own statuses!
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6 Responses to Contest Entries

  1. Jolene Perry says:

    I really like Laney and Cooper, are you trying to decide which one to send in?
    I’d probably do the first? I love a girl who can talk to animals 😀 I also love a guy’s POV.

    • Thanks, Jolene. I love Laney and Cooper, too. He’s a cop assigned to Laney’s sister’s murder case. They just came from dinner at his family’s where Cooper’s dad, an ex-cop, finds out that Laney is part of the case that Cooper is investigating. Mr. Sullivan goes off on his son, believing that what Cooper is doing is unprofessional (which turns out to be hypocritical, as he met Cooper’s mom while on the job!) Thanks for checking this out on such late notice!

  2. Tanya Reimer says:

    Wow! All three are great. The first one shows his love the best and would be my pick, but the other two were fun reads. Great enteries.

    • Thanks, Tanya, for coming out so late in the game to make a comment. I messed up my link the first time around and was feeling like a techno-idiot! I appreciate your going to the effort of looking at them!

  3. T.F.Walsh says:

    My choice would have to be the first one, though I did find the part with the goose a bit too long and forced. Once they got into talking, it was good. Good luck.

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