Levels of Cleanliness

Yes, Mary is posting another blog about cleaning.  If you’ve read any of my previous blogs or Facebook postings you already know that I am not fond of cleaning.  Perhaps you can relate.  Below are the levels of cleanliness I adhere, too.

Topmost, of course, is–

CODE RED–Mom’s Coming to Visit Clean.  When momma’s coming, we pull out ALL the stops.  That’s right, even dusting the ceiling fan blades and changing the sheets.

CODE BLACK–Christmas Party Clean.  Almost as intense as Mom’s Coming to Visit Clean, but only on the main level of the house.  Yeah, we also clean the top level, in case someone wanders up there, but not with a lot of eye to detail.  In other words, don’t do the white glove test, don’t expect a clean dresser, and for goodness sakes, DON’T open a closet without a hard hat on.

CODE BLUE–sort of mellow–also known as Lunch Lady Clean.  This is the level of clean required when the lunch ladies are coming over for a meal or for game night.  You put in some effort, but you don’t sweat it.  After all, I spend almost as much time with them as my family and they already know that I am a slob.  Why try to fool them?

CODE MAGENTA–Neighbor Clean.  Let’s face it, there are only so many times you can step out on the front porch and discreetly close the door behind you without them catching on.   They see into your messy garage everytime they come home from work.  They know you.  They can see right through your flimsy excuses.  It’s best to just admit to them that this is really what your house looks like 99% of the time and move on with it.

CODE OPAQUE-refered to by some as, The Kids Are Having Friends Over Clean.  This clean is set up mostly to discourage your kids from inviting friends over.  Come on, you know you could care less about what their friends think anyway.

CODE ORANGE–Halloween Clean, of course.  This is where you clean only what can be seen from the front door.  Drag your junk out of view and you’re set.

CODE LILAC–this is when you clean because the house is such a pit you can’t find anything you need and it’s driving you CRAZY!!!  It is particularly confusing to the kids who will keep asking you, “Who is coming over?”

“No one.”

Their little brows furrow deeper.  “Then why are we cleaning?”

You snap, “We don’t have to clean just because someone’s coming over.  Sometimes we do it just because it needs to be cleaned.”

“No, we don’t!”  they respond.

Flabbergasted you resort to the old standby–“Stuff a sock in it and wash those walls!”

So, there you have it, Mary’s codes for cleaning.  I hope that this has been enlightening.  Oh, and this stuff is top secret, so keep it under your hat.


About M.J. Schiller

I am a mother of four/writer/lunch lady. I set my blog up when my son looked at my Facebook wall and said, "Mom, you don't status, you blog!" Let's put it this way, I'm one of the only people that constantly comments on my own statuses!
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3 Responses to Levels of Cleanliness

  1. diannegray says:

    I have another type of cleaning to add, Mary, and it happened to me only a few weeks back. It’s called CODE YIKES! and it’s when a cyclone is on the way and I have to run around cooking (in case we lose power) and cleaning up everything in the yard (so it doesn’t end up being a missile through a window), packing all the outdoor furniture away and taping the glass on the windows. It’s a really irritating type of clean and when the storm is passed you have to clean another mess! – yikes! 😉

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